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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26885248">Holding it together with one loose string</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/alumort/pseuds/alumort'>alumort</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Naruto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Homophobia, Hyuuga Neji Lives, M/M, Secret Relationship, Trans Male Character</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 21:06:57</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,019</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26885248</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/alumort/pseuds/alumort</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Neji sneaks out of the Compound to meet with someone, even if he knows his Clan wouldn't allow it. He doesn't remember for how long they have been doing it, but he likes it anyways.<br/>One cold night, he is not as careful as usual...</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hyuuga Neji/Rock Lee</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>31</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Holding it together with one loose string</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>title is a lyric from: hard sell by the crane wives.<br/>i want to thank raspberryfanfics because she beta-ed the first part !!<br/>i was going to post for rock lee week but it doesn't have enough Lee's pov, so have it earlier. remember to read the tags.<br/>there's trans ace neji as usual</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>He didn't remember when the nights of sneaking out started, but he enjoyed them. It was stealth training, dodging the gaze of the guards while running away. He needed it after all the injuries from the war.</p><p>Even if it was for some hours, until the sky was colored with the morning sunlight. That was the only way he could meet with him, as they were watched closely when he visited the compound.</p><p> </p><p>The frost made the path harder, combined with his insomnia and tiredness. He almost slipped twice, but regained footing before clashing on someone's roof.</p><p>Then he jumped carefully to his destiny, knocking three times on the glass- a mini code they had arranged when all of it had begun, months or years ago.</p><p> </p><p>A pair of lilac eyes sparkled through the window and Lee’s breath caught in his throat. Even though the visit had been planned, the danger of coming always made the taijutsu master believe the other wouldn't arrive- that it would be over without a word.</p><p>So every time Neji appeared in his window was like an expected surprise, one that made Lee's night better if only with his presence.</p><p> </p><p>"Hi!" he exclaimed, though his speech came out a little raspy. In turn, Neji smiled brightly and opened the window. He extended his arms and let himself be carried by the younger man, who left the brunet on the ground after giving him a quick kiss on the cheek.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey," Neji whispered, cleaning the snow from his shoulders. Lee helped him with that, his scarred hands becoming gentle just to take care of him. The jonin smiled again at this, leaning to the touch of the younger man.</p><p> </p><p>"Do you want a blanket? I don't want you to catch a cold..."</p><p> </p><p>"It's okay," the brunet mumbled, sighing with closed eyes. Then he observed his boyfriend and crouched, a posture resembling a cat about to strike its prey-</p><p> </p><p>Instead, Neji hugged him close. Lee giggled and returned the embrace, kissing the top of his head.</p><p> </p><p>"I have you. Be my blanket," the Hyuga whispered, resting his head on the other man's chest. "At least until I have to go."</p><p> </p><p>"Okay, love," Lee said, sighing softly. He relaxed until he felt Neji shaking a bit, to which he pouted and looked at him in the eyes. "I'm getting you a real blanket, and a jacket for when you go back."</p><p> </p><p>"Mm... alright."</p><p> </p><p>The brunet groaned when his boyfriend separated from him, but he didn't protest for long as something soft covered him after some heartbeats. He noticed he was being hugged again, even if the blanket was acting like an armor of sorts.</p><p> </p><p>Neji still ended up catching a cold the next day and that was when suspicions started to rise, though neither had noticed at first glance. Maybe it had been the eyebags, or the jacket–</p><p> </p><p>They hadn't been attentive enough. It was a mistake they still regretted, though there was nothing to be done.</p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>The next time they met, the snow had almost melted completely.</p><p>It was some nights after a mission Lee returned from, which had gone smoothly. Even if they talked during the day, with all their friends around… Neji needed to make sure the other man was alright. He tended to go on, forgetting the pain just to train more. </p><p> </p><p>Getting out of the Compound had been easy enough. They were celebrating that Hanabi had become the Clan Head but, even though he wanted to congratulate his cousin, it had been the perfect distraction and he just couldn't throw the chance away like that. Lee may have been training as he escaped the labyrinthic place, he may have been reopening his wounds, that reckless man.</p><p> </p><p>… the task on hand required all his focus. If he had not tried to dodge the remaining snow, he would have felt a gaze analyzing his movements from behind.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe he could have turned back, and the suspicions on him would have faded with time. But Neji wasn't aware of that, continuing his path with the weak excuse of returning the jacket he had got.</p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>The room was warm, though there still was snow on the windows. It was pretty quiet, with Neji replacing the bandages that the other man had on his arms and stomach. Lee was laying on his bed, observing his lover as he moved– not like he could do something else, at least not at that moment.</p><p> </p><p>"You trained before the wounds closed," the brunet noted, looking at him in the face. Even if his voice sounded angry, there was nothing but worry in his eyes. "You didn't even notice, Lee. What if you had lost enough blood to pass out?"</p><p> </p><p>"But I have to train, that's how I get better!" Lee argued, letting out a soft sigh once his boyfriend put a cold cream on one of the injuries. "I think you're worrying too much, love. I always do this."</p><p> </p><p>Neji frowned, crossing his arms over his chest after he heard that. Lee smiled at him innocently, though he felt a soft pinch in his nose.</p><p> </p><p>"You have to be more careful, Lee. So you can stay healthy," the brunet said, looking away. "Have you eaten yet? It was early when I got here."</p><p> </p><p>"No, but it's okay. I'm not hungry," his boyfriend replied, slowly sitting on the bed. "Let's just stay together, okay?"</p><p> </p><p>"... I'm preparing you some rice. Don't move from here," Neji decided, standing up. He gently brushed Lee's hair with his fingers before getting out of the room, his steps still cautious as to not wake the neighbors from the lower floor. </p><p> </p><p>The taijutsu master sighed, laying down on the bed again. He appreciated that Neji looked out for him, but it made him feel weird. Normally he could do all those things alone, so help wasn't really needed, but... he liked it. Even if it was strange.</p><p> </p><p>Even if it could only happen every two or three months, and only before the sun appeared in the sky. Even if their meetings had to be limited to the night, as their friends were suspecting something and that could lead to the other Hyuga eventually discovering this.</p><p> </p><p>And they would not be okay with it. Hiashi had already complained about not being able to seal his nephew again, when the curse mark disappeared from his skin back when the war had ended. If that old man wanted to do that, without provocation, it was clear what he would do if their secret meetings became of public knowledge.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe there would be a day, when they wouldn't need to hide from Neji's Clan. When they could be together even under the light of the sun, without worrying about the safety of either man. But that was not the case, at least not yet, so there was nothing done apart of cuddling for some hours after midnight, and act like it had not happened the morning after.</p><p> </p><p>(Their eyes may have been another thing that revealed it. The skin around them was dark with lack of proper sleep, but that wasn't going to stop them.)</p><p> </p><p>"I hope you like it," he heard Neji say after a while, and he could feel him being careful even as he rested his head on Lee's shoulder. </p><p> </p><p>"Thank you, love," Lee whispered, having noticed that the brunet had closed his eyes. That even if he was hugging him with one arm, his grip was relaxing with every passing second.</p><p> </p><p>When he finished the food, his boyfriend had fallen asleep on his shoulder. The man smiled, though he realized that letting the plate away without waking Neji up was going to be a hard task. He still did his best, though.</p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>His body wasn't tense, for the first time in a while. His muscles didn't hurt, and he could just enjoy the softness and warmth of the blankets, comfortable in bed.</p><p> </p><p>The brunet smiled to himself, hugging the pillow a bit tightly– now that the pain didn't forbid him of just relaxing, he was going to snooze and go back to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>"Aw," the pillow said— wait, the pillow?</p><p> </p><p>Finally opening his eyes, Neji realized that he was not in the compound. That he was holding Lee sideways, resting on his arm.</p><p> </p><p>"Sorry, you're comfy," Neji mumbled, leaning in to kiss his cheek. He softened the grip he had on his boyfriend, closing his eyes as he talked. "Good morning."</p><p> </p><p>"Hello, my love." Lee whispered, smiling at him. His fingers brushed the brunet's long hair, and he could feel him relaxing under his touch. "I'm happy you were able to spend the night here. I like having you here..."</p><p> </p><p>"I know, but this is the most we can do. I didn't really tell anyone-," Neji interrupted himself, finally realizing that it was morning, that he shouldn't really be there. "... I didn't ask for permission to come. I... took advantage of Hanabi becoming the Clan Head, and came here."</p><p> </p><p>The taijutsu master looked at him, his face showing something similar to disappointment- or maybe that was Neji's mind playing tricks on him again. He did seem a bit upset, but not disappointed.</p><p> </p><p>"You have to go, isn't it?" Lee mumbled, sighing. He wrapped the brunet with his arms, careful enough to not harm him in any way. His chin was on the shorter man's head, resting as he waited for a whispered reply.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes, before the rest wake up," Neji answered, hugging back. His ear was on Lee's chest, and he could hear his heartbeats- he would give away anything to be able to stay there, to not have the need to return ever again to the compound.</p><p> </p><p>But that was impossible. The Clan was going to take that as betrayal, and... he didn't want to think of that.</p><p> </p><p>"Please be careful, Neji. Come back when it's safe enough to do so. I love you," his lover said, his voice so low and soft, words pronounced for him and him only.</p><p> </p><p>"I love you too, Lee."</p><p> </p><p>Then they had to break the embrace, kissing the other without an actual rush— they had to assume every meeting was the last, and they took their time as if that were true.</p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>The hardest part of sneaking out always had been returning. It was harder under the sunlight, though not impossible- he just had to wait for the guards to be distracted. Which. Wasn't hard nowadays, considering that the post war had been full of peace, and they were getting used to that...</p><p> </p><p>They were talking to each other. Neji just had to walk on his toes and hide in the shadows, and he would be alright. Like nothing had happened at all.</p><p> </p><p>There was an extra pair of eyes between the guards– his uncle, who looked as annoyed with the world as usual. None of them paid attention to the bush he was in, though there was no harm in making sure he was going to be okay.</p><p> </p><p>... the guards left, and Hiashi was alone now. His angry gaze searched through the place, and it stopped right where Neji was hiding– he was not going to be okay now. No amount of leaves would be enough to cover him, he wasn't going to be able to hide his chakra from a Clan Head, from another Jounin.</p><p> </p><p>The brunet froze on his place, making himself small once he heard footsteps coming his way. The branches were tangled in his hair, and it was starting to itch, but he had to be extremely quiet and not move a muscle–</p><p> </p><p>"Come out, I know you're there," his uncle exclaimed, most likely crossing his arms as he said that. "I have to discuss something with you, nephew."</p><p> </p><p>Neji bit his lower lip. Every part of his body screamed for him to remain there, between the leaves, to not obey. But he couldn't afford to do that, not when it was Hiashi who was talking to him.</p><p> </p><p>"... Alright, Lord Hiashi," Neji muttered, slowly getting out of the bush- leaving some branches in the path, as his uncle guided him to his house.</p><p> </p><p>He was already remembering how the seal felt when activated, even if it was not in his skin anymore. How sharp the pain on his head, his brain, was— all of it caused by a movement of hands. Caused so easily...</p><p> </p><p>"Sit down."</p><p> </p><p>He did as asked, his gaze focused on the table. On every mark the wood had, every spiral and line...</p><p> </p><p>"You know what I wanted to talk about. It's surprising how someone as smart as you would think it was going to remain a secret."</p><p> </p><p>Neji nodded, not being brave enough to do more than that. His uncle was starting to sound angry, even if he had served tea for both of them.</p><p> </p><p>"... Perhaps it would have remained that way, had I not seen you go last night," Hiashi informed, an unreadable expression in his face. "You know that homosexuality is forbidden in the Clan."</p><p> </p><p>"We never had sex. Technically, I didn't break any tradition," Neji mumbled, not even realizing he had done that– all his body tensed when his uncle analyzed him, a frown on his face.</p><p> </p><p>"You have guts to say that right now. When I could easily give you and your lover away, make you be executed or worse."</p><p> </p><p>The brunet stared at the cup of tea in his hands, drinking from it to force himself to not say anything.</p><p> </p><p>"But... you're my nephew. And I know what will happen if I give you away," the older man started, letting out a soft sigh after saying that. "... Your father should have been the Clan Head. But when we were young, he also fell in love with a man, who believed he was a girl. The opposite of you."</p><p> </p><p>That wasn't something expected. Neji didn't remember Hizashi say anything about that- he had made a complicated plan to let him live as a man, though... he didn't remember much of that time. It was strange when nobody questioned anything, when they just used his correct name and all– he never thought his uncle knew the truth, not once after all those years.</p><p>Neji always had to deal with his gender stuff alone, until entering Team Gai, of course. He just... nobody from his close family had known, yet Hiashi did somehow.</p><p> </p><p>"I never wanted him to suffer. I told our father about his crush and, the next morning, he had the seal in his forehead," his uncle continued, his gaze softening for a second. "And when you were not... a girl, even if you were born as that. I allowed it."</p><p> </p><p>"I would still be a man, had you allowed it or not," the brunet argued, a frown appearing on his face. "What's the point of this?"</p><p> </p><p>"You needed to know that. There are many eyes observing you, not only mine. I will not tell anyone, nephew; they will notice soon," Hiashi warned, drinking from his beverage and then letting the cup on the table. He got up and walked to the door, talking without looking at Neji. "I recommend you to break up with him. In the past, they... executed both lovers."</p><p> </p><p>The older man left, and Neji was left alone with his thoughts. Deciphering if that was a warning or a threat, with the birds singing outside as if nothing happened.</p><p>As if that had been an illusion of his tiredness. Just his imagination, and not his uncle being actually nice with him for once.</p><p> </p><p>... he had been, but very few times. If he was saying the truth, that warning was the third time in twenty two years that he had been nice to his nephew.</p><p> </p><p>And he preferred to work based on that, even if his soul was hurt from that, and from having to be away from Lee, for the safety of both men.</p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>Some days had passed by, and Neji had avoided his lover swiftly, using as excuse that he had to go on a mission. He felt terrible about doing that, but he couldn't just... explain. Not with the permanent threat of being observed, of being outed at the slightest slip up.</p><p> </p><p>Maybe he could write him a note, and make someone else give it to him. That way, the Clan wouldn't suspect more... right? They weren't going to harm either of them that way. Lee was going to be safe, and so would he be.</p><p> </p><p>... Not seeing him anymore was going to be hard. It was extremist, yes, but that was going to ensure his safety. That the Clan didn't attack him, claiming that he 'corrupted' Neji or some bullshit like that.</p><p> </p><p>(It had been done in the past, and it would happen again and again and Hanabi couldn't do anything to change their traditions. At least not yet.)</p><p> </p><p>It probably was the best option. The only one, considering that he could be executed and it wouldn't guarantee his lover's life. That was the way that would protect them both.</p><p> </p><p>But when he saw Lee return, smiling so brightly at him... Neji couldn't force himself to not be with him when offered, just as friends, while the sun was still high.</p><p>Accompanying Kiba to spoil his old dog wasn't exactly romantic, so maybe the other Hyuga wouldn't say anything.</p><p>~</p><p> </p><p>The atmosphere wasn't tense, but it wasn't exactly calm either. Or that's how the Taijutsu master felt it, while his companions caressed Akamaru's fur. It could be because he had just come back from a mission and was still on guard, so Lee didn't really pay much attention as he narrated what had happened.</p><p> </p><p>Kiba always was excited to hear tales, giving his own as an exchange of sorts, with a proud smile that showed his fangs. Neji always scolded him for being impulsive, though... that day, the brunet had been silent.</p><p> </p><p>Lee wasn't dumb. He had noticed that his lover had been evading him, even if the reason wasn't clear at all. Maybe it was precaution, but they always warned the other when this was the case.</p><p> </p><p>He felt hurt, having noticed that the brunet wasn't in the mood of talking with anyone. Not even in the mood to scolding him like he usually did, with a roll of eyes and a calm smile.</p><p>Just... silence. As he petted Akamaru, not really paying attention to the other men at his side.</p><p> </p><p>"Neji, is something wrong?" Lee decided to ask, in whispers, when Kiba had started to talk about one of his most successful missions.</p><p> </p><p>His boyfriend tensed, and his hands immediately moved from the dog's fur to the end of his ponytail. His gaze was focused on the grass, his breath having stopped in the surprise of the question.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm fine," Neji said, though his eyes looked sad. He looked exhausted.</p><p> </p><p>"You didn't tell me I have to be careful. You always do that!" the taijutsu master exclaimed, placing a hand on the brunet's shoulder. "You can trust me with anything, my dear rival. We're... best friends, after all!"</p><p> </p><p>Neji remained silent, squinting at his lover's self-interruption without commenting on it. Kiba had looked at them, though he didn't say anything either.</p><p>The Inuzuka stared at them again, when Lee tried to cheer Neji in whispers. He got up, his eyes still on them with some suspicion revealing through his gaze.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm super thirsty! I'll get a drink. You two take care of Akamaru, okay?" the man informed, not commenting on the situation at all. Evading it, thankfully– even if he was someone impulsive, he at least respected their privacy. Or could just ask his dog later, thanks to his Clan's ability.</p><p> </p><p>"We will," the brunet promised, nodding. Petting Akamaru so he wouldn't need to talk more.</p><p> </p><p>... They remained silent until Kiba was almost gone, walking in the grass in a long search of beverages for all. Some minutes passed before the taijutsu master decided to speak again, directing a soft smile at his boyfriend.</p><p> </p><p>"Hey, you won't say anything to Kiba right? Will you keep a secret?" Lee exclaimed, using a funny tone to talk with the dog. Akamaru barked tiredly, placing his head on the brunet's lap to get his attention. That was the first time in the day that he saw Neji smile. "... I know something is wrong. You don't really have to tell me if you don't want to, but I want to help you as I can, my dear rival. Count on me for anything."</p><p> </p><p>"It's... I don't know how to say this," the Hyuga muttered, playing with one of his hair strands as he petted the animal on his lap. Who just closed his eyes, as if his legs were a bed. Neji inhaled deeply, looking at the ground as he kept his low tone before talking again. "... Hiashi knows."</p><p> </p><p>Lee tensed, unconsciously scratching his ear as he listened to his lover. He got closer to him, staring at his lips to try and understand better.</p><p> </p><p>"What?" </p><p> </p><p>"My uncle..." Neji started, biting his cheek to try and force himself to express his thoughts better. "My uncle knows. About us."</p><p> </p><p>"But... we have been careful. Always. Or– " Lee stopped himself, now scratching his nose. "Was it because of when you got sick?"</p><p> </p><p>"I think it was because, uh... I escaped when Hanabi became Clan Head," the brunet admitted, closing his eyes. </p><p> </p><p>He just knew that Lee was now disappointed with him. He couldn't see his expression, but how could he pick his lover over his cousin? Both were important for him, yet he had picked Lee over his own blood.</p><p>How would he not be disappointed, how would anyone accept something like that? He was a disgrace.</p><p> </p><p>Before Lee could reply, Neji continued talking, finally looking at his companion again.</p><p> </p><p>"Hiashi said he won't tell anything, though I do not really trust in his word," the brunet informed, a shaky sigh leaving his lips. "He also said that the Clan is paying special attention to me. That they... suspect, about us. That they will execute me, to be an example of what should not be done in the Clan."</p><p> </p><p>Neji paused, biting his lip as he saw Lee looking at him in the eyes. As Akamaru whined, protesting about the lack of caresses. He felt the warmth of a hand over his own before he saw Lee sitting closer to him, almost leaning towards him, even though those actions were dangerous for them– they had to assume that the Hyugas were watching them from afar, there was no guarantee they were not.</p><p> </p><p>When Neji opened his mouth again, his voice failed. It took him a second to try to talk, his words coming out as broken whispers instead of his usually calm tone. As he squinted his eyes, which were itching with the threat of tears.</p><p> </p><p>"Maybe... Maybe we should stop doing this. The night meetings, the... everything," he mumbled, the last part almost inaudible. His throat felt like it had been knotted, sensation that moved to his chest and was stronger there. "They may hurt you, instead. Ma– manipulate me that way, you know? I don't want you to get hurt."</p><p> </p><p>"I know, my love. I'm happy at your side but, if we have to break up for your safety..." Lee reassured the brunet, maintaining his gaze on him. A sad smile decorated his face, though he caressed the other's cheek even if it was painful– maybe it was the last time he would be able to do that, after all. "I'll do whatever I need to keep you safe. There's also another option, though, but I think it would be too hard for both of us..."</p><p> </p><p>"What is it, Lee? If it means I can stay with you, I will do it," Neji muttered, inhaling deeply. The affection was going to make him cry, knowing it all may end soon, and he would never be able to be with him again.</p><p> </p><p>"We could run away, you and I. Live in another land, together!"</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i had to make up why tf hizashi had a curse mark if he's technically main branch lmao, filling out plot holes. that's why the hyuga r homophobic.<br/>i don't think I'll continue this right now, i think it's better if the reader is left in doubt (??)<br/>with that said... i hope u liked it :3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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